apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
