I am puke
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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