If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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