When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
