i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
