I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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