I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
