Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
