Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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