i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
