I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
