trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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