I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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