Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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