WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
