I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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