i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Randomize
