I think my fart just growled at me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
