Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
