She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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