you guys were way drunker than both of me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
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You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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