dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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