I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
