Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
