we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
