if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
