And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
