exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
