Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
