Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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