Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
