her vagine was all disorganized.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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