only you would photoshop your dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
