i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
