It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
