Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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