I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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