also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
