I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
