32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
