It's Friday. Sex?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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