just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
