ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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