Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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