I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
