my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't put those talents on a resume
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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