i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dicks are not precious.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
