Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My feet surprised me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
