the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
