I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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