Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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