You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
