so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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