What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
