I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
