Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
