My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
