Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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