it hurts more in the daytime
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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