friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
