So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
