Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize