the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
