I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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