you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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