there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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