Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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