just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
